Racing George Bush

by woodenunderpants

Well not really, actually if it were George Bush I am sure it would have been much easier.

Being that its 60 degrees and sunny here in Latina Italy, there is really no excuse not to run. 60 is the perfect running temperature for me. I heat up like an oven and need a lot of cool air to keep me from keeling over.  So for the second day in a row, I will run.  I got back to my room after work, got my running gear on, donned the iPod, and as I opened my door to leave, there was my coworker, (lets call him George Bush (GB)), getting off the elevator.

I met GB when I got to the company I am working for here in Italy. GB is a really nice guy, to be honest I can see only one flaw, he HATES Obama. HATES I tell you. I must say, I really can’t trust anyone that hates Obama. If he wasn’t your first choice, I get that, not sure if he will do a good job, I get that too, but hate… What in Gods name is there to hate? Every day, several times a day, he says something like “Man am I sick of seeing that OBAMA on TV, man that guy pisses me off”. I don’t even know what to say to that. Well actually that’s not totally true, I should rephrase that, I don’t know what to say that can be said at WORK. SO other than him hating Obama that is it, he really is a nice guy.

My GB (the nice guy) is from Texas and I find him somewhat of a contradiction to what I think Texans are. GB has lived in Italy for 5 years or so. GB has learned a fair amount of the Italian language, and GB is really friendly and generous. Hell GB even married an Italian girl, but, make no mistake he hangs from the far right by the tips of his fingernails just based on all the comments he makes throughout the day. Today I mentioned the legalization of marijuana. He said “why would you want to do that?” I said “because its not harmful and its a waste of taxpayer money to incarcerate people for doing something that doesn’t hurt you”. He said (and I love this) “what do you mean its not harmful, its a drug!”  The conversation went on a little bit, long enough for the other guy that is working there to get his red neck ass into the conversation also.  I was on my own there, let me tell you.

Oh there is one other thing about GB that breaks a stereotype I have about people from Texas,  he is fit. He is lightly stocky. I would say 6′ 195 lbs and appears to have no fat on him.  We have talked a bit about running and he says he runs and has said a couple times that we should run together. Yeah sure, no problem, Mr, run a few times a month, run with Mr. fit republican. One word, nightmare.

Anyway today I get ready to leave to run and I open the door to my room and there is GB just getting off the elevator. He says “hey are you going running?” I am forced to say “Yeah you want to go?” I should say at this point that I hate running with other people, ESPECIALLY people that kick my ass, yes Barb I am talking about YOU! LOL When I run alone I can run at my own pace and I don’t have to worry about my ego being squashed by running machines, yes Barb I am talking about YOU again.  So yes of course GB wants to go running. He says he will hurry and get changed.  This gives me time to ponder. I think to myself, this is like running for my team. Team Obama, and I am running against everything I don’t like.  The religious right, GB, Cheney, retarded, non thinking Republicans (yes there are two types of Repubs), and of course FIT people. I think to myself, there is no way I can let this guy kick my ass, I am going to have to run like I am running for the good of all mankind. This is good vs evil.

GB comes out of his room looking fit in his tight shirt. I on the other hand look like an overweight 50 year old woman with saggy boobs.  GB says “ready?” I’m not, but I say I am.  GB looks ready to kick this Obama supporters butt. I must not let that happen.

We take off running, I have mapped out a route through town. Its a little over 3 miles.  HEY LAY OFF, I HAVEN’T RAN IN A WHILE! We take off and GB starts off running really fast, damn near a sprint. I am generally a slow runner, I do not need to break records, plus I need my heart to be in the fat burning range, not the iron man range. I think “oh this is really going to suck”.  There is just no way I can let him beat me, hell I can’t let him be in front of me. I can’t do much to make a difference in our country but I voted for Obama and by God I can stay in front of Mr. Fit from Texas.  I got in front of him and kept on the gas. I noticed fairly soon that he was slowing down, oh good, maybe I won’t die. We continue on at a moderate pace with me in front. There were a couple times he was really lagging back and as I consider myself to be a compassionate man, I helped him by running even harder. When he slowed down, I picked up the pace. I didn’t need to just win, I needed it to hurt a little. Him, not me. We ran the entire way and got to the last street, probably an 8th of a mile to go. I said “sprint?”. I am a fairly good sprinter, much better than I am a distance runner actually and before he could answer, ran like I was running for the good of all mankind.

I did finish ahead of him albeit inches, hell he probably thought it was funny to let me be first only so that he can kill me at a later date. I crawled up to my room and collapsed on my bed. I am dead, I ran way past my abilities. It just goes to show what can be done with a little anger in your soul and a little too much testosterone coursing your veins (does testosterone flow in your veins?). I need to stop running with people that are clearly much better than me. Or maybe I don’t. Maybe that anger and pride will melt away the man boobs faster than waltzing along at my normal pace. Well at least I beat GB and my ego is in tact.

Anyway I need to go now, I must get some Ibuprofen.

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